on a journey...

it's been a while since i've blogged... it's been a hard journey to be on... somehow sometimes it seems that being a Christian makes life harder... but i also know that without God in my life, I wouldn't know how to live.

Right now, God is teaching me about resting in Him. now if you're even a little bit like me, patience is definitely not your strong point. patience has NEVER been my strong point. sorting things out, making sure everything and everyone's ok, now you've got me there... but this waiting... upon His Will, His decisions, His guidance... although i know very well that if i do not wait, i will muck it up... i'm just not that good with.

so there are times that i sit at God's feet and literally say, "Lord, i'm hopeless at this, i've tried and failed over and over again, teach me... teach me how to wait upon you." and then some days i see a glimpse of that... sometimes i can even almost get through a whole few hours, before my head starts to do me in again. sometimes... i see a glimpse of what God has in store for me, if i can just wait.

and other times, i just do not seem to be able to do what i want. how i relate to paul saying the good that he wants to do, he can't and the bad that he doesn't want to do, he does... maybe that's why it is in the Bible, because even Paul, who wrote so much of the Bible, battled with doing what he wanted to to please God.

so for now, i'll go forward in my journey.... Abraham was very old before God called him.... so maybe there is still some hope for you and me... now if only i could know where to... see there i go again... Lord teach me to wait PATIENTLY at Your feet, because i know that your timing is perfect.

it would have been her birthday celebration...

on Friday, 29 June 2007, our Ilne would have been seven. seven short years that we had been lent a little angel to receive a touch from heaven.

her birth was announced by her proud father, saying that she wanted to share in her mom's birthday cake. her mom was also born on that day.

it was harder than i thougth it would be. it reminded me of the all the birthdays to come, that we wouldn't have with her. and knew that as my other brother had rightly said, it will never really get that much better.

in the same week, a little girl, mikayla was found murdered in the back yard of her neighbour, in Swellendam. she was also only six years old. and somehow, something inside said enough.

i can not bring ilne back and by God's grace? it was freak accident that took her away, but in this society, this so-called new democracy, we've seen too many of our children murdered, raped, abused.

it is time to start fighting this evil with our voices, to pray to the living God of our nation to stop the hurt. too often we speak death, about the crime in our land, the drugs, the abuse, instead of praying for life. if you are reading this, i'm asking you to make a stand. a prayer stand, because that's the only thing that will change this land. God.

and we need to stand in the gap and pray for the miracle of change, in the hearts and minds of all of us in this land.

may you join me in this...

despite...

perhaps we will never know the meaning of life... never understand all the lessons we're supposed to learn, do all the growing God would love us to do. perhaps we will struggle more than have fun, be filled more with remorse and sadness, than with joy and pleasure. perhaps this will just be for a while.

but despite of all this, i will rejoice in the Lord. and as Habakuk says, even though there is no fruit on the land, even though things do not work out the way we thought it would, even though we hurt those we love more than we ever thought possible, or get hurt by those who love us... despite the fact that sometimes God feels far (although He promises to never leave or us nor forsake us, and i know His word is true). despite anything that this world has thrown at me, or wants to do in future... despite all of this, the struggles, the tears, the pain, the "not knowing if i'll make it to tomorrow"...

despite this, i will rejoice in the Lord. because He says I will turn your mourning into dancing, your tears into laughter. and i'll believe Him, because He is my God. may you know His constant presence close to you, even when you feel that you are in the dark. Remember God is light and He will lead you, also through this..

one day at a time...

today is a hard day. having received so many blessings on a spiritual, emotional and financial level i do not want to sound like i am not being thankful, for an amazing God that provides and cares and never abandons us.

but today is hard.

having woken up with a sms to carry my brother in prayer (the one that lost his darling little girl) and just feeling the great pain inside again for my little niece that was supposed to turn 7 in little less than a month and a half, today i've found hard. i've battled to concentrate, i've battled to go on with a "normal" life. i've battled to keep on keeping on. and i've known that in struggling, i'm definitely not the only one carrying pain.

i have stood amazed at the different ways that people try and help and make you feel better or relate or do not know how to relate others pain. to be quite honest, dealing with someone's pain is hard, no matter how trained we are in counselling or caring for each other as Christians. because when it really comes down to it, there is nothing you can say to make things better. you can be there, you can physically hug someone, but no words can make the pain go away. the only thing to do in the coalface of pain is to pray... and even that is hard sometimes... trying to find the words when none is left.

some people in not knowing what to say have said, perhaps it was for the best (for who? even though i know on an intellectual level that eternity is better). someone has said whether we're feeling better now (how, when there is still so much pain and missing). some even says that you just have to tell yourself she's never coming back and to get on with life (sound advice, but the reason we're hurting is because we know we will only see her again in the after-life). someone else even mentioned that God plucks the most beautiful flowers for decoration in heaven (do you know how cruel that sounds).

i am thankful today for people that care... even those who muck it all up in trying to do so. i am even more thankful for family and friends that has just held us, in their arms, in their thoughts and in their prayers. i am thankful that i know that God loves us and have experienced Jesus personally in my life.

i am thankful today that there is eternity, that i know where ilne lives and that i know that she is happy and looked after. but i struggle with wondering why our little angel had to go. and i am struggling seeing the hurt that it causes my family.

i suppose life isn't fair and it would even be more unfair if God let all the bad stuff only happen to those who are not His children. i suppose there is so much we will never understand in this life. and i suppose that is ok.

so even on a day like today, i'll remember that God's grace for today will be sufficient. i'll be thankful for those who uphold us in their prayers. and i'll keep close to God... when there's nowhere else to go.

if you are in pain today, whether physically or emotionally, may God through this simple prayer, cover you in cotton wool, hide you beneath His wing and keep your mind at peace through His Holy Spirit.

for who I am or what I can do for you...

having grown up as a Christian and knowing the blessing of God's favour, I think we can so easily confuse things.

God has been speaking to me about whether I love Him for who He is, or for what He can do for me.

I suppose it follows on from our family's current struggle with faith as we stand in the aftermath of so much faith and so many promises and then having to say goodbye to our beloved little Ilne. life will never be the same again, after the month of February 2007. there is a whole in our hearts that sometimes are just unbearable to carry and then sometimes, like this morning, i could honestly give myself over to worship, even though i still do not understand and most probably never will. for that instance, i can go beyond my heart that hurts and just joyfully enter into His glorious presence.

but God says.... you, you have known my love for all time, you who have experienced my grace and blessing for the 1000 generation, because of your forefathers honoring me, you who have grown up in a privileged home, never having excess, but having more opportunities than 90% of the earth's population, why do you love Me?

is it so that you will be protected from evil, is it so that I will bless you? do you serve me, because that's what all the generations before you has done? and are you loving me, for what I can do for you?

so quick am i to say, no Lord, i love you for who you are. but then when i get angry about what has happened this year and last and the one before, where it feels like my prayers did not get answered, where it feels like satan is driving a wedge into the sanctuary of having a family that is saved... there i have to stand still and evaluate. Do I know God for who He is, do i really know Him as person, who wants to have a relationship with me? Do i really seek Him for Him? or do i seek Him for me, for what i can get out of it....

if someone was engaging with me, just because they could get something out of the deal, i'd be pretty devastated. if someone told me they loved me and stopped loving me when they don't get their way, i'd say it is pretty cheap love. if someone only spent time with me, expecting to be rewarded, i'd be quite hurt. i could imagine ever becoming vengeful and distant if that was why someone loved me.

and therefor i do thank God that He is God and not me. He is faithful, forgiving, kind, gracious. He is God, who, even in the times, and sometimes that feels like more often than not, even in those times, where i serve Him for what i can get out of it, and He must feel like i treat Him like a push-button God, even then... He loves me UNCONDITIONALLY.

and i fall on my knees, and say, Lord, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, help me... teach me, who You are. Help me to Love You for Who You are. Because You are Who You are.

because of who He is

ever go through days where things just seem sort of out of whack... ? the times when you have the head knowledge of being a Kingdom child, but the heart seems to somehow have been left behind.

sometimes if you're lucky, it might just last for a day... sometimes it lasts for a little bit or a lot longer. you might have heard people speak about a desert experience. and as much as you would like to live as an example to the world, things seems just do not seem to quite gel.

i think that's when our spirits are crying out to slow down, spend some time at the feet of Jesus, hang onto that what you have learnt. repeat God's promises, delve into the Word, soak up the presence of the Holy Spirit, our Helper.

do this to obtain peace of mind, not because of how we feel, but because of who God is. He says that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He says that He will provide our every need. He says that He is Jehova Jireh, our Provider. He says that He is our Father. He says that He is our Redeemer. He says He is our Saviour.

When i think i am not strong enough, He says I am.

When i feel that i'm not going to survive this, He says I am.

When i struggle and feel like i've lost the way, He says I am.

When i feel that there's no joy left, He says I am.

When i feel that i can not figure life out, He says I am.

When i think there's no way, He says I am.

so luckily, today is not depending upon what i feel or think. it is dependent on who He is. Let's hang onto that... that He is the Great I am... but most of all, that He loves us more than we can ever imagine!

When we're hurting...

I've realised early on in life that "Life is what happens when we've got other plans." I'm not always sure whether it is because God says His grace is new every morning and our society has taught us that we have to make the 5 year plan / 10 year plan, which does not seem to align....

But the fact is, that more often than not life does not turn out the way you planned it or expected it to. And sometimes even the best intentions from people that love you, hurt.

And it's so easy to turn that hurt into resentment and anger. To feel self-righteous and justified and hurt back. It seems to be part of our old nature.

But God says: "Bring it to me. Bring it all to me."

So when we're hurting Jesus says I've already paid the price, and in the New Heaven and on the New Earth there will be no more tears, no more sorrow, no more hurting. But seek my Kingdom here, today.

I suppose that is why so many people who return to this life after seeing heaven, says "we do not understand, the life hereafter is more amazing than we could ever imagine". And it is forever...

I could do with sitting at the feet of Jesus, today, while I am hurting and forever more.

I don't understand...

It's been almost two weeks since our little Ilne left for heaven. Some days are harder than others and some days are easier.

There are some days that I wish the sun would not rise and then there are some when I have complete peace.

Do I understand why even when we stood in faith, God still allowed Ilne to make the choice and leave this earth... no I don't. Do I understand why we got so many confirmations on so many occassions that we had to pray and believe? no I don't. Do I understand why God allowed our family to go through this heartache, even though I know that I know that He loves us more than we could ever imagine?... no I don't. Is it easy for me to say that healing can also mean in this life hereafter.... no, it still feels like a cop-out.

Do I understand why some people get healed and others dont... No I do not have answers for that. Is it going to be easy to walk this road and learn to trust what I hear God saying... no it is still a long road ahead.

So what do I know?

• I know that Ilne was never alone, through all of it Jesus was there right beside her


• I know that we're in Christ and He is in us, so that our pain and our anguish He felt and carried, and paid for on the cross long before these days


• I know that we will be reunited with her one day in heaven, because this life is just a sandgrain compared to the rest of eternity


• I know that one morning I will get up and although there will always be a gap in my life, I will smell the flowers and see the colours in the sunrise again - not because I've forgotten her, but because she would want me to live life to the full


• I know that through all of this, God brought us closer as a family and as a family in Christ. We were never alone, His life-giving Spirit carried us where we couldn't walk and will continue doing so on the hard days


• I know that God is faithful and that God is God, sovereign and holy!

Someone asked me during the time if there was any good news? I could not help but answer "The good news is that Jesus is alive and therefor, no matter what happens, we can live and never die!!"

I definitely do not claim to have the answers and I definitely do not claim to have overcome it all. But I know that God's grace is infinite and even there where there are no answers... there still is God.

A celebration of our angel's life - we will see you in Heaven!

Exactly a month after Ilne's accident, we had a memorial celebration of her life and a time to say we say goodbye but for a short while, we will see you again. Although some days are harder than others, we have a hope in Christ, that she is alive and only waiting for us on the other side of the finish line.

There were toadstools and balloons in pink and purple and flowers with butterflies and strings of beads. A powerpoint celebrating her life and a choir dance, which proclaimed, "God is light, there is NO darkness in Him!". And amongs our tears of missing her and not understanding, God reassured us that "He is faithful!" And that He loved us more than we could ever know.

We know that it was just a glimpse of the celebration in heaven. I've asked Jesus to make sure that she has sweet tea, and ice-cream and loud music and that someone will do different hairstyles everyday! I know He has heard my prayer. And as we walked out and have to go on with life, we know that our lives have been touched by an angel, whose race has been run. At some point in time it felt like satan had won, but God reminded me that Ilne had won, she had achieved the ultimate prize, eternal life after finishing her race.

The question remains: What will happen with you when you get to the end of your race? Will you have found Jesus and know that He is the one that saves... He stands at the door and knocks, eternity is a reality. What is your answer?

Thank God, she lives in Eternity with her beloved Jesus!

To all our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our little Ilne decided that it was time to go to her beloved Jesus on Monday afternoon 16h30. Praise Him, she's alive in paradise. We have peace that she has gone to be dancing in front of her BIG BIG God and we will see her in Eternity. We will miss her terribly, but we thank God for having had the blessing of knowing her and witnessing how much she loved and served our Lord, even at the age of 6.

Even in the past 3 weeks, her life was a witness to many, in our country and around the world in at least 12 countries and many lives changed through the testimony of a little girl consecrated to God. We do not have all the answers and we will miss forever, but look forward to meeting her one day in heaven. Ilne's message to everyone staying behind would be: "Live life to the full and know God intimately". Take heed to that message.

Please join us in thanking God for His eternal love, for lending us this angel for 6 years and for giving us a hope that we will one day see her again. Ilne, we love you FOREVER!

We also pray God's blessings upon you for standing strongly with us in faith and your prayers. Your support has been amazing.

God bless you.

Never alone...

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage? His dad takes him into the forest..blindfolded...and leaves him....alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night...and not take off the blindfold until the ray of sun shines through it. He is all by himself. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night..he is a MAN.

He cannot tell the other boys of this experience. Each lad must come into his own manhood.The boy is terrified...he can hear all kinds of noise...Beasts are all around him. Maybe even some human would hurt him. The wind blows the grass and earth... And it shakes his stump. But he sits stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could be a man.

Finally, after a horrific night..the sun appears and he removes his blindfold. It is then that he sees his father..sitting on the stump next to him...at watch...he has been there the entire night.We are never alone. Even when we do not know it, our Father is protecting us...He is sitting on the stump beside us. All we have to do is reach out to Him.-- Author Unknown

"The Joy of the Lord is my Strength"Nehemiah 8:10

We pray for breakthrough!

"Psalm 34:15 They eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry."

On Friday evening 23 February 2007 at approximately 19h30, it will be 21 days since the freak accident when Ilne got shocked by electricity and her heart stopped. God heard our hearts' cries and brought her back after 59 minutes. At first there did not seem to be any problem, but as time went by, we realised that very little brain activity was happening. Her body is healthy, but we are waiting upon God to wake her up. God on more than 4 separate occassions gave us the story of Jairus' daugther. More than 3 times did He say to us on the same day Isaiah 58:8 "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard." 3 times God said to us Hebrew 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." These are only a few instances of how God has carried us through the past 3 weeks.

We have heard stories of people recommitting their lives to God, testimonies of children asking their friends or waking up a parent to lead them to Jesus, someone going to church to pray for Ilne after having neglected the church for years and mothers changing priorities to focus on their children. God has heard our prayers and kept Ilne safe from deteriorating health. Already we have seen miracles and the praise and glory are all God's. Someone said Ilne is lying still so that the church can start moving and trust God for a miracle. What do we believe about our God? From all over South Africa and the world, people have united in praying for our angel child.

What we've learned in the Bible in this time about healing is that we have to pray and have faith and God says He will heal us. So we are standing on those promises.

Please unite with us in prayer on Friday evening at 19h30 (South African Time GMT+2) to ask our faithful heavenly Father to miraculously wake Ilne up and complete the healing of our own Jairus' child as He has promised.

Please also pass this onto every believer who believe in a God of miracles that has not changed, who believes that through the wounds of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5), we are healed, who believes that God wants to declare His glory and show His love for us and the world through signs and wonders. He is Jehovah Rapha, our healer God and He declares: "I am the God that healeth thee".

Mark 9:23 says " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

So please pass on the message and unite as the body of Christ in this request and more importantly in faith to what God can do. To Him all the honour and glory and thanks!

God bless you.

Our God of love!

Our God is a God of love! On this day as people buy each other flowers and cards and chocolates... it needs to be a reminder of Him who made it all. The love we feel for others, is because we were made in His image.

In waiting upon His manifestation of His healing hand on our Ilne in our physical world, God reminded me of His great Love! He told me that as much I believe my mom and dad loves me, He loves me a million times more. Through lifting us up every day as we wait upon His miracle, He showed me that He loves me and my family and the people around us and even you reading this, way way way more than we can ever imagine. He told me that we do not have to beg Him to hear us, He has heard. And He is all-powerful, allmighty, righteous, faithful, wonderful. There is NO-ONE like Him!

He is LOVE. You can only but read His Word to realise how much He loves us. How many times did the Israelites not walk away from Him and after bringing them back He would love them again. Most of us would have given up on them a long time ago, just chosen another nation, not bother with them anymore.

Most of us would have given up on ourselves a looooong time ago, every time we wandered away from Him who loves us with an everlasting love.

The ultimate Valentine's love poem is written in John 3:16 "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." He did not spare His only Son, because He loved you!!

and yet He waits, He calls you by name. He wants to be your God, He wants to share your life and give you good things. He wants you to be with Him eternally. Do not delay... there will never ever be anyone that will love you the way He does. Praise be to His name, who stays faithful and wonderful forever!

we are waiting upon God!

as God is raising up people to declare His glory and pray for Ilne around the world, from Canada, to New Zealand, from Puerto Rico to France, from Dubai to the UK, and all over South Africa, we wait upon Him.

He is Sovereign, Almighty, Our Father God and even in the times where we get weary, His compassion lifts us up. He is Jehova Rapha, "I am the Lord that healeth thee".

Praise His name.

do you believe in miracles...

in december God warned me to pray for my family and loved ones. having walked a path with God for more than a number of months about growing in faith, it felt easy to theoretically speak about wanting to see more of God and His power and Glory, and Him healing people... it's all good and well, until it is your own niece.

by some freak accident, my niece, Ilne Meyer (little girl on the picture) got shocked on Friday night. Her heart stood still and even though four doctors (including her mom and dad) did everything they could, her heart would not start. They said that they would continue for 60 minutes at which point in time, they would believe that God had taken her home... We all united in prayer to plead for God's mercy for this little girl, aged 6 that loves Him with all of her heart. On 59 minutes my eldest sister in her mind's eye saw a nurse saying "call it, call it", meaning to say that it's time to give up. She cried to God and said "NO!! You say that by your stripes, Jesus, we are healed!". i believe God said to me NO, it's not her time. So God started her heart somewhere between minute 59 and 60! It was a miracle....

There seemed to be no brainswelling, the organs were ok, Sunday morning i testified in chuch to His Glory... God said to me it's not her time, and gave me the story of Jairus. We were rejoicing... as she was in a deep sedation, we did not know, but slowly it started being clear that her brain is showing very little activity. Doctors have said there is very little activity in the brain... and that's where God said to us... do you really believe I am the miracle God? Forget about being theoretical about this, this was my niece.

And that is when God said: I am the God that healeth... that is truly what we believe. And all over South Africa, in Australia, in the UK, even in Puerto Rico, there are people that's praying for little Ilne's life, for the Spirit to restore her and breath life into her brain. Some moments it's easy to believe, some moments it's really hard!

Yesterday God gave me the same story which i got on Friday in Luke 8:50 in Mark 5, i wrote her name next to it. At the same time without sharing this with my brother, a friend of his, who really searches the Lord saw a hand writing on a piece of paper, Mark 5. Another friend of my sister's wanted to send her a sms that didn't go through, but confirmed it later that she wanted to tell my sister to remind God of Jairus' daughter. All the scriptures confirmed, what we believe God is saying.

This afternoon, after having a long struggle and crying hysterically before God... yes i'm in no ways perfect or not failing in my faith, God told me to send my brother Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength". Shortly afterwards my brother sms'ed back to say that God told him more than 4 times this morning, to just wait upon Him, the one who holds life and death in His hands. what a confirmation!

So do i believe in miracles... YES, i believe in a God that never stopped doing them, maybe we're just a people that have stopped asking for them, looking to circumstances and people and not what God is saying. i believe that we are entering end days, where people will need to see more of God and less of us, more of His glory and less of institutions and what we think, more of His power and more of His transforming powerful change in people's lives.

so we believe God is about to do a BIG thing! Ilne, our little angel's favourite song is "Big God". "Big God, Big dreams, big plans, Big EVERYTHING, because I've got a BIG GOD!!!" and so here we will stand, upon His word, waiting for His healing miracle! Please pray with us! To Him all the glory and honour!

rollercoaster ride...

it seems so often that just when i'm really in a very good space with God, it is so quickly for me to experience the opposite. it's not that i think i get into spiritual "pride"... it just seems that my foot sometimes is just not as secure as i would like it to be.

maybe it's got something to do with my emotions, that rides high and low so quickly... and maybe it's because of the war raging for my soul... and that's when i need to remind myself... Love is not a feeling, it's an act of your will.

God's love doesn't change. His intimacy with me doesn't change, unless i let it. His intentions for me doesn't change. And often it's just an attack on my heart from the evil one or one of his evil mates. the heart is the source of all things and it belongs to God.

important to know that God renewed it, it's new... not sinful and awful, but new... yet, sometimes, satan still tries to plant a thought in there, that's not from God. and that is where we need to take those thoughts captive in the Name of Jesus. and remember that every day, every step of the way, we are on a battle ground. sometimes we get a bit of a reprieve, but still the battle rages on through the ages. so stand up and FIGHT!

and when those thoughts come and you feel a bit like a wave in the sea, stand upon the Rock... ask for His protection and closeness. plead the blood of Jesus. read His word, do not forget any of His promises, or any of the things He's already done for you. And know that He is intently interested in every detail of your life. That's what a true relationship means.

and HANG ON to His glorious Name... and praise Him. nothing that gets us on the winning side like Praising His Holy Name!!

meeting place

so in the early morning hours

when i wait for You to meet me

i smile at the thought of You

Loving Father, Saviour too

yes as i wait for You to meet me

entering in this special place

my heart is filled with anticipation

my spirit filled with Your great love

You always make time

to walk beside me

always come, i just need to ask

i thank You Lord that You really SEE me

and that You really are my God

The year of the Lord's favour!

There is nothing more amazing, than when God reveals Himself to His people. And this is what we are currently experiencing... in more than one church, people have experienced God saying: "This is the year!" "This is the year that I will reveal my glory to my people".

And I am excited. I believe there has been a time where we havent really thought that much about God's glory. That we sort of got used to not seeing miracles, that we started believing the great lie that God only did it in the olden days.

But this is the Truth: God says "This is the year of the Lord's favour!". All we need to do is to seek His face. Ask me and I will show you great things, says the Lord. Let's seek Him with all of our hearts! And see His glory!

Mustardseed faith

what is faith? so often we speak about faith as if it is something that is still to happen, and that like Thomas, if we can only see it, we will believe.

In the Amplified Bible Hebrews 11:1 says "NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, [a]the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]."

This means that even though we can not perceive it in the physical world, God says through faith we have the titledeed of that which we can not see.

Faith is not based on anything we are, but totally on who God is. It is not about our strength of believe, it is about God's allmighty power. It's not about my ability to "think" things into being, it's about God's sovereign might to bring things into being.

So as we walk with God and get to know His faithful nature more and more, and His loving Father heart towards us, we can look more at Him, and the promises He has made than at the so called "facts" which we can perceive in this world.

And with the power of faith, the size of a mustardseed, God can move mountains. Let's ask God to grow our faith, so that the world can see He is alive!

emotions, emotions, emotions

in those moments where i am totally at peace, but yet also just so human and feel the strong pangs of missing the one i love and can not be with right now, i know that God sees me and reaches out.

and this is where i think we often make the mistake. God took great care in giving us a range of emotions and when the Bible speaks about finding your joy in the Lord, it doesn't mean that we should always walk around with a "haha" happy happy attitude. too often Christians do not get real about how we're really feeling in the hope that others will think that we find our joy and peace in Him, and it becomes a bit of an achievement culture. the happier, the closer we must be to God?

serving Jesus does not mean that i will only have the so-called positive emotions. too often sadness or feeling tired or down is seen as "negative emotions". it is only when satan uses these to keep us in bondage that it becomes a problem.

but the Bible shows us that Jesus felt anxiety and anger and sadness. when he heard that Lazarus had died, he cried. i think he mostly cried for Lazarus' friends and his family, but also for him. i think he also cried, because it made the gap that had come between God and man because of sin, so tangible for Him to see. when He saw what the sellers had done to God's beloved temple, He got angry and chased them out. when He saw how the leaders of Israel were misleading His people, He called them for what they were. when He realised that His time to be separated from His Father and the time to carry the sins of the world was upon Him, He took it to His Father in anxiety, and was sweating blood. He asked God if it could not be different.

And maybe that is what we need to learn - in all our emotions, albeit feeling good or feeling like death, we need to take it to our heavenly Father. He longs to help us carry where we are too tired to go on, He longs to share the moments where life just seems incredibly good, He longs to hold us when it just hurts too much. He longs to walk with us, speak to us, commune with us.

He longs to be there every step of the way, whether we're crying or celebrating. He is our God.

Closer to God

When bad things happen to good people, there is often one of two responses. Either God doesn't care or God is not in control. So quick are people to then say that free choice is not that important and that God could have stopped whatever happened from happening.

God sometimes allows bad things to happen to His children. Not because He wants to punish them. Not because He doesn't love them. Just because He is a fair God and He it would not be fair that all the bad stuff only happened to people not believing in Him. But so often, if we ask Him He does protect us, or something happens that seems really terrible but in hindsight was a warning for something worse.

And when bad things happen which we dont understand, we do have the amazing promises of His word. He says in Romans 8:28 " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." In Romans 8:37 - 39 the Word says "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

And in this lies the secret, when bad things happen to you, God wants us to move closer to Him, not further away. He wants to lift you up in His arm, surround you with His goodness, calm you with His peace. He wants to reassure you of His love, carry you were it gets too hard to go any further. He wants to be your rearguard and your Salvation. So move closer to Him! Under the shadow of His wing, He can dry your tears and let all things work for the good of those who love Him. By looking to Him in faith, we allow Him to take even the bad and turn it into good. He can do that because He is God - and He loves us.