I don't understand...

It's been almost two weeks since our little Ilne left for heaven. Some days are harder than others and some days are easier.

There are some days that I wish the sun would not rise and then there are some when I have complete peace.

Do I understand why even when we stood in faith, God still allowed Ilne to make the choice and leave this earth... no I don't. Do I understand why we got so many confirmations on so many occassions that we had to pray and believe? no I don't. Do I understand why God allowed our family to go through this heartache, even though I know that I know that He loves us more than we could ever imagine?... no I don't. Is it easy for me to say that healing can also mean in this life hereafter.... no, it still feels like a cop-out.

Do I understand why some people get healed and others dont... No I do not have answers for that. Is it going to be easy to walk this road and learn to trust what I hear God saying... no it is still a long road ahead.

So what do I know?

• I know that Ilne was never alone, through all of it Jesus was there right beside her


• I know that we're in Christ and He is in us, so that our pain and our anguish He felt and carried, and paid for on the cross long before these days


• I know that we will be reunited with her one day in heaven, because this life is just a sandgrain compared to the rest of eternity


• I know that one morning I will get up and although there will always be a gap in my life, I will smell the flowers and see the colours in the sunrise again - not because I've forgotten her, but because she would want me to live life to the full


• I know that through all of this, God brought us closer as a family and as a family in Christ. We were never alone, His life-giving Spirit carried us where we couldn't walk and will continue doing so on the hard days


• I know that God is faithful and that God is God, sovereign and holy!

Someone asked me during the time if there was any good news? I could not help but answer "The good news is that Jesus is alive and therefor, no matter what happens, we can live and never die!!"

I definitely do not claim to have the answers and I definitely do not claim to have overcome it all. But I know that God's grace is infinite and even there where there are no answers... there still is God.