I don't understand...

It's been almost two weeks since our little Ilne left for heaven. Some days are harder than others and some days are easier.

There are some days that I wish the sun would not rise and then there are some when I have complete peace.

Do I understand why even when we stood in faith, God still allowed Ilne to make the choice and leave this earth... no I don't. Do I understand why we got so many confirmations on so many occassions that we had to pray and believe? no I don't. Do I understand why God allowed our family to go through this heartache, even though I know that I know that He loves us more than we could ever imagine?... no I don't. Is it easy for me to say that healing can also mean in this life hereafter.... no, it still feels like a cop-out.

Do I understand why some people get healed and others dont... No I do not have answers for that. Is it going to be easy to walk this road and learn to trust what I hear God saying... no it is still a long road ahead.

So what do I know?

• I know that Ilne was never alone, through all of it Jesus was there right beside her


• I know that we're in Christ and He is in us, so that our pain and our anguish He felt and carried, and paid for on the cross long before these days


• I know that we will be reunited with her one day in heaven, because this life is just a sandgrain compared to the rest of eternity


• I know that one morning I will get up and although there will always be a gap in my life, I will smell the flowers and see the colours in the sunrise again - not because I've forgotten her, but because she would want me to live life to the full


• I know that through all of this, God brought us closer as a family and as a family in Christ. We were never alone, His life-giving Spirit carried us where we couldn't walk and will continue doing so on the hard days


• I know that God is faithful and that God is God, sovereign and holy!

Someone asked me during the time if there was any good news? I could not help but answer "The good news is that Jesus is alive and therefor, no matter what happens, we can live and never die!!"

I definitely do not claim to have the answers and I definitely do not claim to have overcome it all. But I know that God's grace is infinite and even there where there are no answers... there still is God.

do you believe in miracles...

in december God warned me to pray for my family and loved ones. having walked a path with God for more than a number of months about growing in faith, it felt easy to theoretically speak about wanting to see more of God and His power and Glory, and Him healing people... it's all good and well, until it is your own niece.

by some freak accident, my niece, Ilne Meyer (little girl on the picture) got shocked on Friday night. Her heart stood still and even though four doctors (including her mom and dad) did everything they could, her heart would not start. They said that they would continue for 60 minutes at which point in time, they would believe that God had taken her home... We all united in prayer to plead for God's mercy for this little girl, aged 6 that loves Him with all of her heart. On 59 minutes my eldest sister in her mind's eye saw a nurse saying "call it, call it", meaning to say that it's time to give up. She cried to God and said "NO!! You say that by your stripes, Jesus, we are healed!". i believe God said to me NO, it's not her time. So God started her heart somewhere between minute 59 and 60! It was a miracle....

There seemed to be no brainswelling, the organs were ok, Sunday morning i testified in chuch to His Glory... God said to me it's not her time, and gave me the story of Jairus. We were rejoicing... as she was in a deep sedation, we did not know, but slowly it started being clear that her brain is showing very little activity. Doctors have said there is very little activity in the brain... and that's where God said to us... do you really believe I am the miracle God? Forget about being theoretical about this, this was my niece.

And that is when God said: I am the God that healeth... that is truly what we believe. And all over South Africa, in Australia, in the UK, even in Puerto Rico, there are people that's praying for little Ilne's life, for the Spirit to restore her and breath life into her brain. Some moments it's easy to believe, some moments it's really hard!

Yesterday God gave me the same story which i got on Friday in Luke 8:50 in Mark 5, i wrote her name next to it. At the same time without sharing this with my brother, a friend of his, who really searches the Lord saw a hand writing on a piece of paper, Mark 5. Another friend of my sister's wanted to send her a sms that didn't go through, but confirmed it later that she wanted to tell my sister to remind God of Jairus' daughter. All the scriptures confirmed, what we believe God is saying.

This afternoon, after having a long struggle and crying hysterically before God... yes i'm in no ways perfect or not failing in my faith, God told me to send my brother Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength". Shortly afterwards my brother sms'ed back to say that God told him more than 4 times this morning, to just wait upon Him, the one who holds life and death in His hands. what a confirmation!

So do i believe in miracles... YES, i believe in a God that never stopped doing them, maybe we're just a people that have stopped asking for them, looking to circumstances and people and not what God is saying. i believe that we are entering end days, where people will need to see more of God and less of us, more of His glory and less of institutions and what we think, more of His power and more of His transforming powerful change in people's lives.

so we believe God is about to do a BIG thing! Ilne, our little angel's favourite song is "Big God". "Big God, Big dreams, big plans, Big EVERYTHING, because I've got a BIG GOD!!!" and so here we will stand, upon His word, waiting for His healing miracle! Please pray with us! To Him all the glory and honour!

Mustardseed faith

what is faith? so often we speak about faith as if it is something that is still to happen, and that like Thomas, if we can only see it, we will believe.

In the Amplified Bible Hebrews 11:1 says "NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, [a]the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]."

This means that even though we can not perceive it in the physical world, God says through faith we have the titledeed of that which we can not see.

Faith is not based on anything we are, but totally on who God is. It is not about our strength of believe, it is about God's allmighty power. It's not about my ability to "think" things into being, it's about God's sovereign might to bring things into being.

So as we walk with God and get to know His faithful nature more and more, and His loving Father heart towards us, we can look more at Him, and the promises He has made than at the so called "facts" which we can perceive in this world.

And with the power of faith, the size of a mustardseed, God can move mountains. Let's ask God to grow our faith, so that the world can see He is alive!