one day at a time...

today is a hard day. having received so many blessings on a spiritual, emotional and financial level i do not want to sound like i am not being thankful, for an amazing God that provides and cares and never abandons us.

but today is hard.

having woken up with a sms to carry my brother in prayer (the one that lost his darling little girl) and just feeling the great pain inside again for my little niece that was supposed to turn 7 in little less than a month and a half, today i've found hard. i've battled to concentrate, i've battled to go on with a "normal" life. i've battled to keep on keeping on. and i've known that in struggling, i'm definitely not the only one carrying pain.

i have stood amazed at the different ways that people try and help and make you feel better or relate or do not know how to relate others pain. to be quite honest, dealing with someone's pain is hard, no matter how trained we are in counselling or caring for each other as Christians. because when it really comes down to it, there is nothing you can say to make things better. you can be there, you can physically hug someone, but no words can make the pain go away. the only thing to do in the coalface of pain is to pray... and even that is hard sometimes... trying to find the words when none is left.

some people in not knowing what to say have said, perhaps it was for the best (for who? even though i know on an intellectual level that eternity is better). someone has said whether we're feeling better now (how, when there is still so much pain and missing). some even says that you just have to tell yourself she's never coming back and to get on with life (sound advice, but the reason we're hurting is because we know we will only see her again in the after-life). someone else even mentioned that God plucks the most beautiful flowers for decoration in heaven (do you know how cruel that sounds).

i am thankful today for people that care... even those who muck it all up in trying to do so. i am even more thankful for family and friends that has just held us, in their arms, in their thoughts and in their prayers. i am thankful that i know that God loves us and have experienced Jesus personally in my life.

i am thankful today that there is eternity, that i know where ilne lives and that i know that she is happy and looked after. but i struggle with wondering why our little angel had to go. and i am struggling seeing the hurt that it causes my family.

i suppose life isn't fair and it would even be more unfair if God let all the bad stuff only happen to those who are not His children. i suppose there is so much we will never understand in this life. and i suppose that is ok.

so even on a day like today, i'll remember that God's grace for today will be sufficient. i'll be thankful for those who uphold us in their prayers. and i'll keep close to God... when there's nowhere else to go.

if you are in pain today, whether physically or emotionally, may God through this simple prayer, cover you in cotton wool, hide you beneath His wing and keep your mind at peace through His Holy Spirit.

rollercoaster ride...

it seems so often that just when i'm really in a very good space with God, it is so quickly for me to experience the opposite. it's not that i think i get into spiritual "pride"... it just seems that my foot sometimes is just not as secure as i would like it to be.

maybe it's got something to do with my emotions, that rides high and low so quickly... and maybe it's because of the war raging for my soul... and that's when i need to remind myself... Love is not a feeling, it's an act of your will.

God's love doesn't change. His intimacy with me doesn't change, unless i let it. His intentions for me doesn't change. And often it's just an attack on my heart from the evil one or one of his evil mates. the heart is the source of all things and it belongs to God.

important to know that God renewed it, it's new... not sinful and awful, but new... yet, sometimes, satan still tries to plant a thought in there, that's not from God. and that is where we need to take those thoughts captive in the Name of Jesus. and remember that every day, every step of the way, we are on a battle ground. sometimes we get a bit of a reprieve, but still the battle rages on through the ages. so stand up and FIGHT!

and when those thoughts come and you feel a bit like a wave in the sea, stand upon the Rock... ask for His protection and closeness. plead the blood of Jesus. read His word, do not forget any of His promises, or any of the things He's already done for you. And know that He is intently interested in every detail of your life. That's what a true relationship means.

and HANG ON to His glorious Name... and praise Him. nothing that gets us on the winning side like Praising His Holy Name!!

War... and I know who wins!

so often i've complained or heard Christians complain that life is hard and that it always feels like a struggle. having just gone through some major heartache about the Godly man that I love, having my car stolen, having my work contract cancelled and having seen bad things happen to Christian friends of mine, I've realised once again, this is War.

Ephesians 6: 12 says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Having just started to ask people to pray for the business I'm in, praying for the deliverance of the one I loved, believing God for miracles, I am suddenly aware that it is War. God has been preparing me for months for this, for war. I had no idea, I had NO idea how hard it could be.

But Jesus' promises still remain: John 16:20 - 24 "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

So I will remember that faith is to believe that which we can not see. Faith is knowing that God works everything to the good of His children. He reminds me that it is a war and therefor I have to hold onto Him even more so and pray constantly.

And I believe the closer we move to God the harder the resistance will be. The nearer we get to the end times, the fiercer the battle. Let us prepare ourselves, by wearing the armour of God, by not letting satan have even the slightest hold on us. Let us not forget to remind the world who is God.

And let us unite in battle, with prayers and with faith and with the sword of His word in our hands. This is war... but we know who wins! God is in control.