When we're hurting...

I've realised early on in life that "Life is what happens when we've got other plans." I'm not always sure whether it is because God says His grace is new every morning and our society has taught us that we have to make the 5 year plan / 10 year plan, which does not seem to align....

But the fact is, that more often than not life does not turn out the way you planned it or expected it to. And sometimes even the best intentions from people that love you, hurt.

And it's so easy to turn that hurt into resentment and anger. To feel self-righteous and justified and hurt back. It seems to be part of our old nature.

But God says: "Bring it to me. Bring it all to me."

So when we're hurting Jesus says I've already paid the price, and in the New Heaven and on the New Earth there will be no more tears, no more sorrow, no more hurting. But seek my Kingdom here, today.

I suppose that is why so many people who return to this life after seeing heaven, says "we do not understand, the life hereafter is more amazing than we could ever imagine". And it is forever...

I could do with sitting at the feet of Jesus, today, while I am hurting and forever more.

I don't understand...

It's been almost two weeks since our little Ilne left for heaven. Some days are harder than others and some days are easier.

There are some days that I wish the sun would not rise and then there are some when I have complete peace.

Do I understand why even when we stood in faith, God still allowed Ilne to make the choice and leave this earth... no I don't. Do I understand why we got so many confirmations on so many occassions that we had to pray and believe? no I don't. Do I understand why God allowed our family to go through this heartache, even though I know that I know that He loves us more than we could ever imagine?... no I don't. Is it easy for me to say that healing can also mean in this life hereafter.... no, it still feels like a cop-out.

Do I understand why some people get healed and others dont... No I do not have answers for that. Is it going to be easy to walk this road and learn to trust what I hear God saying... no it is still a long road ahead.

So what do I know?

• I know that Ilne was never alone, through all of it Jesus was there right beside her


• I know that we're in Christ and He is in us, so that our pain and our anguish He felt and carried, and paid for on the cross long before these days


• I know that we will be reunited with her one day in heaven, because this life is just a sandgrain compared to the rest of eternity


• I know that one morning I will get up and although there will always be a gap in my life, I will smell the flowers and see the colours in the sunrise again - not because I've forgotten her, but because she would want me to live life to the full


• I know that through all of this, God brought us closer as a family and as a family in Christ. We were never alone, His life-giving Spirit carried us where we couldn't walk and will continue doing so on the hard days


• I know that God is faithful and that God is God, sovereign and holy!

Someone asked me during the time if there was any good news? I could not help but answer "The good news is that Jesus is alive and therefor, no matter what happens, we can live and never die!!"

I definitely do not claim to have the answers and I definitely do not claim to have overcome it all. But I know that God's grace is infinite and even there where there are no answers... there still is God.

A celebration of our angel's life - we will see you in Heaven!

Exactly a month after Ilne's accident, we had a memorial celebration of her life and a time to say we say goodbye but for a short while, we will see you again. Although some days are harder than others, we have a hope in Christ, that she is alive and only waiting for us on the other side of the finish line.

There were toadstools and balloons in pink and purple and flowers with butterflies and strings of beads. A powerpoint celebrating her life and a choir dance, which proclaimed, "God is light, there is NO darkness in Him!". And amongs our tears of missing her and not understanding, God reassured us that "He is faithful!" And that He loved us more than we could ever know.

We know that it was just a glimpse of the celebration in heaven. I've asked Jesus to make sure that she has sweet tea, and ice-cream and loud music and that someone will do different hairstyles everyday! I know He has heard my prayer. And as we walked out and have to go on with life, we know that our lives have been touched by an angel, whose race has been run. At some point in time it felt like satan had won, but God reminded me that Ilne had won, she had achieved the ultimate prize, eternal life after finishing her race.

The question remains: What will happen with you when you get to the end of your race? Will you have found Jesus and know that He is the one that saves... He stands at the door and knocks, eternity is a reality. What is your answer?