How will they know Me?

a journey that I am undertaking right now is the journey of faith - to believe that which we can not see but is certain of, to being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (NIV).

The Amplified Bible says in Hebrews 1:1 "NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things we hope for, being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality (faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses)"

so here's the thing.... we can easily have faith when everything works according to (my) plan... that which i've prayed for, asked for, is comfortable in, expecting.

however, when that faith is called to go beyond the "what" - the job/ relationship/ financial stability/ peace and comfort to the "who", that is when true faith is displayed.

I've come to realise that God is much more interested in my character than my comfort. God is much more interested in my growth than an easy life. God loves me much more than letting me live a life of mediocrity. And if I can't follow God through that which is not easy, comfortable, gladdening, instilling hope, then what do I believe?

If people can not see how God leads me through the hurt, the desperation, the loss, the hatred, how will they ever know His love?

God is not interested in me being a woman obsessed about her own glory, but He is looking for someone obsessed with the glory of God. If others do not see the Christ in me, how will they ever know Him. My life, walking with God through the good and the bad, the easy and the tough times, the reality of a life on this earth, might be the only Bible/ Word of God that they will ever read.

How will they know Him, through me?

the moment of truth

have you ever worked on something so hard that you thought you would break? have you ever been passionate about something that it almost consumed your life? have you been part of making a difference?

then you would understand where i'm standing. all of the above has been part of my life, and for one reason or the other it is now a time to say goodbye. it's almost as if the life blood is cut off from your head and you can barely breath. it's as if you want to shout out, can't you see what this is doing to me, but then you don't. is as if you want to hide away somewhere where no-one can ever find you again.

but you know that this is the time to say goodbye. however uncomfortable it's been, the unknown is so much more uncomfortable. however, lonely you got, you do not know if it will be better.

but it's then that you have to believe that God always leaves a window open when the door behind you shuts. it's then that you have to believe God when He says He'll never leave you nor forsake you. it's then that you know that where nothing is left, there is your God. It's then that you know, the future will take care of itself, because God has already prepared it for you.

open your heart, wipe your tears, breath easily, accept His Peace. it's all going to be alright....

I love you Lord.

here i am again...

wonder how many times you have felt like i do... here i am again. where i am down to nothing but God. dunno where my income is going to be coming from, dont know what my next job will be (i call it my assignments ;) ). dunno when or where or how or what? all i have is "I am Jehovah Jireh" your Provider.

now look I have enough proof that God is very faithful, He has saved me so often financially and otherwise, that I know that I should not be concerned. but herein lies the challenge: will we trust in our own abilities, or our work, or the money in our bank, or our investments or our God? God says that the birds of the field does not sow or reap, but He provides for them - He also says how much more would He not provide that which we need?

look, i do feel that you have to be very sure that you are walking in God's will, committed to Him and really seeking His voice. (like they say on TV, do not try this at home ;) ). God says that work is important. but sometimes, He calls us away from our comfy situation at work, the repetitive guaranteed cheque at the end of the month, the "stability" of a salaried job or own business - to step out where we only get one step at a time - in fact where we have to step out of the boat, onto the water, without any hesitation. Peter only knew that he could walk on water, when he walked....

i read today in the psalms "God tests the righteous, but hates the wicked"... one would have thought that the opposite of hate would be love... but it is not what this verse in the psalm says... and yet, does it? the speaker that I was listening to was saying that God tests the righteous to see if we're ready for the next place that He has prepared us for, and that means that it is only because He loves us that He does that... quite honest the testing part is sometimes really hard - suppose it wouldnt be a test otherwise... and when you are trusting in God, most probably He will come through for you only once you have no other options - on number 99.99 - because then we can truly see His sovereignity, His love, His active interaction in our lives. Only then can we truly see what He has asked us to believe first.

I know that I know that God is my Jehova Jireh, my Provider. It might get a bit more uncomfortable, before it gets easier, but God knows. And He promises to never leave nor forsake us and provide in our every need. He knows our needs better than we do.

Praise the Lord.

... and then they disappoint and hurt you....

I often wonder how He did it? Jesus? Here He was, the Creator of the World, the Light, the Truth and the Way, being treated as if He was scum, as if He was a nobody, despised, hurt, cruelly rejected.

Tonight I am disappointed, in humankind, in the way they treat each other. How money truly changes people's natures, how people who barely know you, can wait for your downfall, discuss your assumed failures and revel in the notion of you not making it. How people that do know you digs in the dagger one more time.

How, even when you've proven them wrong, still can barely admit to your face that they maybe they were wrong and perhaps, God forbid, apologise.

I wonder how Jesus did it? He who could in an instant strike them down, curse them, obliterate them, He didnt. He just turned the other cheek.... because that is what love does. That is what love's supposed to do. That is how love is.

tonight, I pray, I wait for love.

where are you...

sometimes in those moments, before sleep sets in, or on those sunday evenings, wistful song lines run across those planes of places you have never been... your heart knows it's not yet home... your thoughts are numb in awareness of something, missing, wondering, what this is all about? when will we know? how would we know? is it real? what could it be?

and for that split second, there's a moment of hope... a moment of clarity, but before you can touch it, hang onto it... it's gone. and you're left with nothing... not even a faint memory....

Grace & Love

It is something too powerful for anyone to grasp, something too simplistic to cling to, something too profound to intellectually explain.

Go figure how the Creator of the Universe could love a world that hates Him, despises Him, intellectualises His non-existence, bastardises Him, ridicules Him. Explain how this Creator could call Himself our Father. Try and figure out how this Almighty, All powerful, All-knowing could love us that much that He sends His only Son, the one He has been with before the start of time, the One He is one with, the One that is pleasing to His Father and does His Father's will, that One, the love of His life, to die for His enemies.

He deserts His Beloved and let Him pay a price for the sins of the murderers, the rapists, the child molesters, the gossipers, the jealous, the greedy, the sexually immoral, for you.... for me. He does this while we, you and I still hated Him. He leaves Him at the mercy of Satan, death the price for our sins. He lets Him become human, with all the tears and fears and weaknesses and rejection. And all of it through grace. Finding salvation in spite of who we are and what we have done.

You want to tell me, God isn't love?

God loves us, God loves us, God loves YOU! A love so huge with grace attached, it is incomprehensible...

on earth as it is in heaven...

Jesus said we would do even greater things than He had done as He was going to the Father. and if you're anything like me, that freaks you out, not just a little bit.

and in the face of a prevailing illness, or seemingly unanswered prayers, or a delayed miracle, i sometimes feel like there must be more, more that i could do, a way of having more powerful prayers, bigger faith, more obedience. how can we do bigger things if we can not even manage the daily bread stuff Lord?

so I sit here before you Lord. and i need You! we need You! it is supposed to be child-like faith, it is supposed to as easy and ask and receive. it's supposed to be so evident, so prevailing... but it does not feel like it is.

some people say that as the price for healing, restoration, forgiveness and freedom has already been paid - and it was paid at an incredibly awful price - Jesus, the Man of Love, the Man of Grace but Sorrow died a painful death on a cross and died an even more painful death in Spirit as He descended to the pit of Hell, raptured from the Love of God His Father and His Spirit.... that all of that is there for us to just take hold of it.... and a lot of them have seen amazing acts of God, here on earth. I know my God, our God, is a God of miracles, He was, is and remains forever the same. I know that God loves us with an all-consuming passionate love that we can not even begin to understand.

but sometimes the healing, restoration, miracle does not come as we asked for or expected... and that brings confusion, and hurt and despondency. but I still believe it is there...

and therefor, now, is the time that I come to seek You, for who You are, for your nature of kindness and love and extravagant generosity, and wisdom and goodness Lord. because I know that Your word says You will let everything work to the good of those who love you.... now is the time that i ask Lord, reveal Yourself, let us know ou better and teach us Lord, Your truth, Your hope, Your will for our lives....

Because sometimes i do not seem to understand that "good" Lord and sometimes, it sure does not feel as if everything is working out for the good, but i know and believe that You stay true Your promises. i suppose that is what faith does and require...

And ultimately, i know that one day we will all see, that You are our Deliverer, our Salvation, our Father, our Comforter, our Healer, our Provider... Lord You are. even though we might not get it.... yet.