moments in time...

there are times when all you ever wanted was for everything to be simple... to be clear and open and to know what exactly to do.... those moments where it feels like you've been walking in this desert for way too long and wondering what the plan actually is... the moments where it feels like you've never really been close to understanding or knowing or doing exactly that what you were created for.

then there are moments where God is so close that you can almost feel him breath, you can smell the smell of the fresh rain and feel God's touch so close that it almost is too much to bear... the love grows overwhelming and it feels as if nothing really matters, but this moment in the presence of God. and you know that all that matters is being here, right here, right now.... and that that is what the purpose of your life is.

as i swing between these two in the pendulum called life, i realise that it is all about a relationship that is busy growing... as in every other relationships there are times when it will be hard to be in His presence... times when it just feels to much, i feel too little or too angry or too disillusioned... there are times when i cannot breath, because life is just too hard or too difficult or too empty or too full.... there are times when i just do not see what God is actually up to in my life, if He is actually there...

but then there are moments when all i can feel is His love covering me, carrying me, holding me in the hour of my despair... i can hear the well known story about the footsteps in the sand, i can feel the weight being swopped onto His shoulders... and it's then, yes then, that i know that He loves me.

And when I do not seem to know it, or it feels to distant, I can hold onto this relationship, hold onto those previous times where it also seemed to be so insignificant... and see My Father's hand... He does not ever let go... He might let you walk the path and learn the lessons you need to... but He never ever walks away. Instead He follows and He waits... His heart longs to be with you and have communion with you. It doesnt make sense at all, that He would choose me or you... But He does.... and somehow it makes sense because He is God.