I don't understand...

It's been almost two weeks since our little Ilne left for heaven. Some days are harder than others and some days are easier.

There are some days that I wish the sun would not rise and then there are some when I have complete peace.

Do I understand why even when we stood in faith, God still allowed Ilne to make the choice and leave this earth... no I don't. Do I understand why we got so many confirmations on so many occassions that we had to pray and believe? no I don't. Do I understand why God allowed our family to go through this heartache, even though I know that I know that He loves us more than we could ever imagine?... no I don't. Is it easy for me to say that healing can also mean in this life hereafter.... no, it still feels like a cop-out.

Do I understand why some people get healed and others dont... No I do not have answers for that. Is it going to be easy to walk this road and learn to trust what I hear God saying... no it is still a long road ahead.

So what do I know?

• I know that Ilne was never alone, through all of it Jesus was there right beside her


• I know that we're in Christ and He is in us, so that our pain and our anguish He felt and carried, and paid for on the cross long before these days


• I know that we will be reunited with her one day in heaven, because this life is just a sandgrain compared to the rest of eternity


• I know that one morning I will get up and although there will always be a gap in my life, I will smell the flowers and see the colours in the sunrise again - not because I've forgotten her, but because she would want me to live life to the full


• I know that through all of this, God brought us closer as a family and as a family in Christ. We were never alone, His life-giving Spirit carried us where we couldn't walk and will continue doing so on the hard days


• I know that God is faithful and that God is God, sovereign and holy!

Someone asked me during the time if there was any good news? I could not help but answer "The good news is that Jesus is alive and therefor, no matter what happens, we can live and never die!!"

I definitely do not claim to have the answers and I definitely do not claim to have overcome it all. But I know that God's grace is infinite and even there where there are no answers... there still is God.

Our God of love!

Our God is a God of love! On this day as people buy each other flowers and cards and chocolates... it needs to be a reminder of Him who made it all. The love we feel for others, is because we were made in His image.

In waiting upon His manifestation of His healing hand on our Ilne in our physical world, God reminded me of His great Love! He told me that as much I believe my mom and dad loves me, He loves me a million times more. Through lifting us up every day as we wait upon His miracle, He showed me that He loves me and my family and the people around us and even you reading this, way way way more than we can ever imagine. He told me that we do not have to beg Him to hear us, He has heard. And He is all-powerful, allmighty, righteous, faithful, wonderful. There is NO-ONE like Him!

He is LOVE. You can only but read His Word to realise how much He loves us. How many times did the Israelites not walk away from Him and after bringing them back He would love them again. Most of us would have given up on them a long time ago, just chosen another nation, not bother with them anymore.

Most of us would have given up on ourselves a looooong time ago, every time we wandered away from Him who loves us with an everlasting love.

The ultimate Valentine's love poem is written in John 3:16 "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." He did not spare His only Son, because He loved you!!

and yet He waits, He calls you by name. He wants to be your God, He wants to share your life and give you good things. He wants you to be with Him eternally. Do not delay... there will never ever be anyone that will love you the way He does. Praise be to His name, who stays faithful and wonderful forever!