here i am again...

wonder how many times you have felt like i do... here i am again. where i am down to nothing but God. dunno where my income is going to be coming from, dont know what my next job will be (i call it my assignments ;) ). dunno when or where or how or what? all i have is "I am Jehovah Jireh" your Provider.

now look I have enough proof that God is very faithful, He has saved me so often financially and otherwise, that I know that I should not be concerned. but herein lies the challenge: will we trust in our own abilities, or our work, or the money in our bank, or our investments or our God? God says that the birds of the field does not sow or reap, but He provides for them - He also says how much more would He not provide that which we need?

look, i do feel that you have to be very sure that you are walking in God's will, committed to Him and really seeking His voice. (like they say on TV, do not try this at home ;) ). God says that work is important. but sometimes, He calls us away from our comfy situation at work, the repetitive guaranteed cheque at the end of the month, the "stability" of a salaried job or own business - to step out where we only get one step at a time - in fact where we have to step out of the boat, onto the water, without any hesitation. Peter only knew that he could walk on water, when he walked....

i read today in the psalms "God tests the righteous, but hates the wicked"... one would have thought that the opposite of hate would be love... but it is not what this verse in the psalm says... and yet, does it? the speaker that I was listening to was saying that God tests the righteous to see if we're ready for the next place that He has prepared us for, and that means that it is only because He loves us that He does that... quite honest the testing part is sometimes really hard - suppose it wouldnt be a test otherwise... and when you are trusting in God, most probably He will come through for you only once you have no other options - on number 99.99 - because then we can truly see His sovereignity, His love, His active interaction in our lives. Only then can we truly see what He has asked us to believe first.

I know that I know that God is my Jehova Jireh, my Provider. It might get a bit more uncomfortable, before it gets easier, but God knows. And He promises to never leave nor forsake us and provide in our every need. He knows our needs better than we do.

Praise the Lord.

... and then they disappoint and hurt you....

I often wonder how He did it? Jesus? Here He was, the Creator of the World, the Light, the Truth and the Way, being treated as if He was scum, as if He was a nobody, despised, hurt, cruelly rejected.

Tonight I am disappointed, in humankind, in the way they treat each other. How money truly changes people's natures, how people who barely know you, can wait for your downfall, discuss your assumed failures and revel in the notion of you not making it. How people that do know you digs in the dagger one more time.

How, even when you've proven them wrong, still can barely admit to your face that they maybe they were wrong and perhaps, God forbid, apologise.

I wonder how Jesus did it? He who could in an instant strike them down, curse them, obliterate them, He didnt. He just turned the other cheek.... because that is what love does. That is what love's supposed to do. That is how love is.

tonight, I pray, I wait for love.