for small mercies...

today i will be thankful for small mercies. in a week where my heart was shattered in a million little pieces, i was held by the Almighty God. Held by a Father that protects us, and never lets us go...

and although this weekend feels like an eternity, i will be thankful for small mercies. for a brother that SMS me to see that i'm ok, i am eternally thankful. for a niece that is lying sleeping on my couch to keep me company, i thank God.

for a roof over my head in this intense storm, water pouring as if it is emptying heaven. for a gift to be able to write and put down my thoughts and emotions.

for a rugby team, that played like they should :) (yeah, i know it's a bit shallow). for the opportunity to enjoy the moment. for friends who truly care for me, and check up on me when i become too quiet. for a new little baby Nate added to our cellgroup at church and his parents that are keeping their eyes on God, even though they don't know the detail fo God's plans for this special child.

for the ability to exercise at the gym - albeit under great protest. for a cupboard overflowing with clothes, a fridge full of food, electricity and water and music equipment and everything else we take so easily for granted.

for the love i have known in my life, for the grace that has been more than enough. for a family which i could not have chosen better myself. for a mom and a dad that is still in love and speaks of the way a marriage should be.

for new opportunities in work. for having loved and lost. yes even for that i am thankful.

and when i look at all these things, i know that my gratitude is not for small mercies, but immense vast showers of blessings. God has said my grace is enough for you and i know, that is true. how is it then, that sometimes we get caught up in what we don't have, instead of what we do have.... today i will overflow with gratitude.

hope

it's been a while since i've blogged here... having lost a bit of the passion and wondering whether it even makes a difference in anyone's life. and this morning, on my facebook, i get a note from someone who found comfort in what i wrote. and i realised, that if this makes even a difference in just one person's life, it is a mustard seed that's been planted. even if that person is me...

so i've decided to start writing again.

and i thought i'd speak about hope. i think for so many of us, we've been beaten up so much by life, hectic schedules, harsh words spoken in a time-starved moment, unappreciative colleagues excluding us from the inner circle, people who discourage us and make us feel small. and disappointment, disappointment that when i thought i really tried to believe as hard as i could, i still did not get what i hoped for.

and that's when i realised that somewhere deep deep down, my heart had closed up to hope. if you've been beaten down one too many times, and if you have lived through a lot of heartache and if you've heard one too many sermons on "if you live a life pleasing of God, it will all be blessed", you'll find that you've stopped hoping. you're still believing God, that He is good and righteous and fair and amazing, but somewhere deep in the recesses of your heart, you've stopped believing that He is hope and that He is all these things for you. You've given up on dreams and hoping things will get better. You've given up on knowing that life also gets its ups.

and the other night during worship, that is what i experienced. as i said there before my heavenly Father, it was as if something broke open in my heart, like an infection that had been closed up for too long. and i realised that i had given up hope that God had good plans for me. on a head level i still believed it, but without realising it, my heart had died and with it, hope.

and that is when i had a revelation, when 1 Corinthians 13 speaks about the three things that need to remain: love, faith and hope, i've always understood the importance of love and faith, but didn't think that hope was quite as important. i knew that i had to guard my heart as "it is the wellspring of all life", but didn't realise that i had to guard my heart to remain hopeful. and in that moment, i knew that hope is the lifeblood of going on, standing firm, taking on God-sized assignments, loving God. without hope we will just get stuck in living day to day.

what is it that you hope for today, or used to hope for? The Faithful One says "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and "I have plans for you to prosper you". Perhaps today is the day that you need to open your heart again to hope. Because we can hope in him who is the only one we could really hope in. Lord won't you renew our hope.