Perspectives...

i'm not sure how the rest of your year has been going, but for most of the people around me it's started with some really difficult times. my new-agey friend says it's the universe making space for different things... and i'm not quite sure how i feel about that...

but yet, i've had I must say I’ve been a bit rattled for the first part of this year. Some of my mates have really been going through some dreadful stuff. My one mate broke up with her boyfriend, then wrote of her car and today they found her cat dead in the park – car hit it. She is devastated, and although I know the boyfriend was a cheating psychopath, she is hurting badly. Then another mate of mine, ended up in intensive care with breathing problems a week after they broke into their house and stole his uninsured notebook and then another guy drove into his wife’s car. Another friend's uncle died very suddenly of a heartattack. And then my godchildren’s dad told his wife after being together for 17 years that he wants a divorce and he’s met a 20 year old….

My brother-in-law is really struggling with his leg, it’s very painful and he might have to have a knee replacement. And had another epileptic attack. My mates and loved ones lives seems to be falling apart around me and it feels like there’s so little I can do for them… (I suppose prayer is the most magnificent I can do for them, but sometimes it feels like it's not enough).

and i suppose that's where i've learnt to look at life and the relativity of it all. one friend might be devastated about yet another valentine on her own, but i dont think it totally relates to someone's husband leaving her after 17 years of being together. not to negate any pain anyone is feeling, because i believe that we often forget that that is still the pain that people feels around us. and also not to compare what it feels like, because you can't really get into someone else's shoes, can you...

God gave us each a perspective, but sometimes it is good to sort of just look outside yourself. just when i get desperate about my finances / relationships or lack thereof / past hurts, i realise that there are others that need me more than i need myself. that's why God says "do not be concerned about anything"... He's already got that in hand. if we however, get too caught up with ourselves, we cant / dont care enough about those around us.

... but this is not an accusation or a call for hail mary's. it's all about balance. sometimes consolidation is needed, but sometimes a little bit of constraint about self-pity is called for. He FEELS for us. He CARES for us... but He needs our hands and feet and especially prayers, to touch those of the hurting and the sick and the lonely.

If we do not heed this call, who will???

moments in time...

there are times when all you ever wanted was for everything to be simple... to be clear and open and to know what exactly to do.... those moments where it feels like you've been walking in this desert for way too long and wondering what the plan actually is... the moments where it feels like you've never really been close to understanding or knowing or doing exactly that what you were created for.

then there are moments where God is so close that you can almost feel him breath, you can smell the smell of the fresh rain and feel God's touch so close that it almost is too much to bear... the love grows overwhelming and it feels as if nothing really matters, but this moment in the presence of God. and you know that all that matters is being here, right here, right now.... and that that is what the purpose of your life is.

as i swing between these two in the pendulum called life, i realise that it is all about a relationship that is busy growing... as in every other relationships there are times when it will be hard to be in His presence... times when it just feels to much, i feel too little or too angry or too disillusioned... there are times when i cannot breath, because life is just too hard or too difficult or too empty or too full.... there are times when i just do not see what God is actually up to in my life, if He is actually there...

but then there are moments when all i can feel is His love covering me, carrying me, holding me in the hour of my despair... i can hear the well known story about the footsteps in the sand, i can feel the weight being swopped onto His shoulders... and it's then, yes then, that i know that He loves me.

And when I do not seem to know it, or it feels to distant, I can hold onto this relationship, hold onto those previous times where it also seemed to be so insignificant... and see My Father's hand... He does not ever let go... He might let you walk the path and learn the lessons you need to... but He never ever walks away. Instead He follows and He waits... His heart longs to be with you and have communion with you. It doesnt make sense at all, that He would choose me or you... But He does.... and somehow it makes sense because He is God.